I have found this year through my many adventures that dating is much like Call of Cthulhu. Now I know that might seem odd but think about it. In the beginning as an adventurer in Cthulhu that mysterious amulet is just a pretty amulet, that weird growling noise outside your bedroom window is just a dog, and that apparition you just saw was merely a trick of the light. Much is similar in the case of dating. For instance, that red flag that went up on your first date is not really a big deal, that look he gave that other girl wasn't a look of lust. He just liked her outfit and when he was an hour late he wasn't cheating. He was just...um...well, he didn't really say what he was doing but I'm sure it wasn't cheating. He was probably feeding hungry orphans or something. He's so wonderful like that. Sigh. And then one day everything you had thought true, everything you had hoped for, is shattered. You give the mysterious amulet to your lover and their head implodes right before your very eyes. You look out your window to yell at the dog to go away and you find a werewolf ripping Fluffy your cute little poodle to shreds. And the apparition that you thought was a trick of the light returns and points a ghostly finger at you and wails like a fucking damn banshee. HOLY SHIT! NEVER THE SAME AGAIN! Much is the same in dating. Boyfriend #1 beats you. Boyfriend #2 cheats on you and leaves you for another woman. Boyfriend #3 tells you on a daily basis you're ugly. Boyfriend #4 won't stop drinking and go get a fucking job. Boyfriend #5 is actually secretly married. (Not all of these things have happened to me but you get the picture.) And what these events do to you much like the werewolf and the ghost do is that they slowly drive you fucking crazy. Sure, you're wiser in the end for it cause you've seen the truths and harsh realities life has to offer and you learn to be stronger but much at the expense of your sanity. Any amulet you see now is going to make your head implode. Any growling noise is the werewolf coming back for you this time. And the ghost...well, let's just say you're staying in a motel until the house sales and the next place you move to is so getting saged.
After a series of bad relationships you, like the Cthulhu character, begin to live your life in fear; fear of getting hurt and/or seeing others get hurt. You can never relax. You can never be positive. "DON'T PUT THAT AMULET ON! ARE YOU CRAZY? YOUR HEAD WILL IMPLODE!" And people stand around and look at you and think, "WTF, mate?" The adventurer has now turned into a paranoid, gun wielding nut job who knows one day no matter how hard they try to protect themselves that a monster will eventually kill them and probably in a very horrific way that involves their eyeballs melting out of their head. And in the world of dating the person who had started off so trusting and serene when it came to love is now the psycho bitch thinking every time her man looks at another woman he is lusting, every time he makes a quick movement when he is angry it is to hit her, and no matter what she does he will one day look at her and say, "I don't love you." This leads the girl down a path of odd behavior that irritates the shit out of others and can even lead to hurting those she cares about. I'm sure there are many a Cthulhu adventurer who has burned one of their friend's favorite books cause they didn't like the look of it or who has mistaken a friend for a monster in disguise and killed them. "Ooops. Sorry."
I know there are those of you out there who probably don't agree with me and that is because you have not seen the werewolf and ghost and pray to God you never do. But for those who have seen the horrors that life can offer we are trapped in the world of Cthulhu and it fucking sucks. The only thing I can hope for now is that one day on my dark journey in this dark world I will find a fellow Cthulhu adventurer to take my hand in his and together we can go kill that motherfucking werewolf who ate Fluffy.
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