Sigh. Oh, family.

Mom: Lawyer Daggot will be running next week.
Uncle David: You think he will win?
Mom: Yeah. He's been doing really well. Now Bernie's Boy ain't doing shit.
Nana: I thought Lawyer Daggot was doing good.
Mom: He is.
Nana: You just said he wasn't.
Mom: No, Bernie.
Nana: Bernie's doing good?
Mom: No, Lawyer Daggot is. Bernie is doing bad.
Nana: Well, that's what I thought but you were talking like Lawyer Daggot was doing bad.
Mom: What?
Nana: Yeah.
Mom: No, I wasn't.
Nana: Yeah, you were.
Mom: No.
Nana: You weren't?
Mom: No.
Nana: Oh.
Aunt Melissa: This is like "Who's on first."

* * * * *

Mom: I don't think the prince in your play is mean enough.
Me: Me neither but Marisa and Amanda said he was an ass.
Mom: Really?...Those girls don't know what an ass is.
Me: I don't think they do either. But maybe we're just stupid when it comes to men or have low expectations.
Mom: Well, when you're living in the house of Slytherin, the prince don't sound that bad.

* * * * *

Mom: Okay, April. Now there's something you need to know when you write your western.
Me: Okay.
Mom: On a train when people would use the bathroom they would just crap down a hole and it would spill out onto the tracks.
Me: ..........
Mom: And those toilets were called dry hoppers.
Me: ..........Okay.
Nana: I used the bathroom on a train before.
Mom: Yeah, but you didn't use a dry hopper.
Nana: I don't know if I did or not.
Mom: You didn't. That toilet had water.
Nana: Yeah......?
Mom: That's not a dry hopper.
Nana: Oh....Okay.......Maybe it was an airplane.
Mom: Then that definetly wasn't a dry hopper.