Gentlemen, Women Sweat the Small Stuff

So often men will complain about women not making any sense whatsoever. And we at times have to agree with them. Let's face it. Women are emotional creatures that operate largely on intuition. That doesn't mean we're simple or intellectually challenged. If anything we are somewhat like X-Men all possessing the same super power: Gut Feeling. We charge into the streets fighting evil doers, our battle cry ringing out, "I JUST KNOW!" It's an amazing gift we possess but can be quite frightening under certain circumstances like for example if we go insane. Then the "I just know" battle cry can be kinda...well, fucking crazy and it is then that we make some of the most bad ass, scary super villain motherfuckers EVER! (See Fatal Attraction.) But I digress. What I am trying to get at is that often even we do not know why we feel the way we do or act the way we do. But yesterday while watching Made of Honor (Don't judge me. Nothing else was on. I swear!) I had an epiphany about women and I figured I'd share it with you men and hell even you women because you psycho bitches probably haven't even realized this about us either. You know that saying Don't Sweat the Small Stuff? Well, women do. Very much so. Very, very, very much so. The big stuff now that's a walk through the park but the little stuff HELL NO! A man can cheat on his woman and yes she will throw a fit but watch that silly bitch go right back to him. Why? Because he has bad self-esteem from when he use to be fat. Or his mother never said she loved him. Or his parents' divorce was very traumatic for him so he has problems with commitment. We can make up as many lame ass excuses for as many lame ass stunts that you pull, gentlemen. That's another X-Men gift we have. A man can hit his woman and watch the dumbass go back to him. Why? His father beat him and that's the only way he knows how to act. Or he has a chemical imbalance and it makes him act out sometimes. Or it's my fault. I shouldn't have made him mad. Lame excuses for lame behavior.

Now you're probably wondering where Made of Honor comes in. Well, first let me clue you in on the story. You've had plenty of time to see it so I don't feel bad about giving things away and besides you're not missing anything. Girl gets engaged with handsome, rich, royal, athletic, 9 inch cock toting Scotsman. Girl's best friend who happens to be a guy decides he is in love with her and embarks on a quest to steal her away. Everything he does has no affect on her and just as you begin to think there is no distracting her from the love she has for her rugged, delicious Scotsman her fiance does the unthinkable which leads her that night to share a passionate kiss with her best friend and eventually run away with him. What is this unthinkable and atrocious act he commits, you might ask? What could possibly make a woman ditch a handsome duke who lives in a fucking castle and has a fucking 9 inch cock? Allow me to lay out the scenario. They are at the dinner table. They bring out the dessert; a choice between cheesecake or chocolate cake. Girl gets cheesecake. Scottish Duke gets chocolate cake. She eyes his chocolate cake covetously and reaches with her fork to snag a piece. He sees this and scolds her lightly saying, "Don't do that. Here. If you want a piece..." He cuts off a tiny bit of cake and puts it on her plate. "There you go." She looks down dejectedly at her cake bit and thinks to herself, "FUCK YOU AND YOUR BAG PIPES!" The Scottish Duke has been left at the altar that moment and the poor bastard doesn't even know it. Doesn't matter that he's handsome, doesn't matter that he is royalty, doesn't matter that he lives in a castle, doesn't matter that he adores her. He wouldn't let her nibble off his plate and so fuck him as far as she is concerned. And you want to know the most fucked up part? I AGREED WITH HER! I couldn't help it! I actually gasped, literally gasped, when he wouldn't let her eat off his plate. Why? Because women sweat the small stuff. I have no better answer than that. Perhaps it is our bottled up rage from the big stuff manifesting through the little stuff. Perhaps we feel if we're going to put up with the big stuff we should at least be able to eat off your friggin plate. I don't know. The point is though, gentlemen, remember that the little things matter to us. If we're cold give us your coat. If our feet hurt after a night of dancing carry us to the car. If we...well...are there give us a massage. And for God's sake you better let us eat off your plate if you know what's good for you. We might not notice the presence of these small kindnesses but by God we'll notice their absence. Do these small favors for us and then...well I guess you can cheat on us and beat us all you want. Hmmm. That wasn't the message I was going for at all. Hmmm. What I'm trying to say is don't make big mistakes and don't make little ones either. Dammit, just be perfect! You hear me? PERFECT!!!!!!