The REAL Ugly Truth

I have just completed the viewing of the romantic comedy The Ugly Truth. It was a two hour event filled with a flurry of stomach flutters, uncontrollable giggling, and thuddings of a rapidly beating heart whenever Gerard Butler would grace the screen in all his sexy glory as the chauvinistic yet charming Mike Chadway. Mmmmmmm. Yummy. So, so, yummy. And allow me to tell you why. Mike Chadway first off is being presented within the steamy, devilish vessel of Gerard Butler. So, there's like a bazillion points right there. Furthermore, he is charming, confident, and successful. Three major things women find attractive in a man. Of course he has his faults. Womanizer. Chauvinistic. Doesn't believe in love. But as the film progresses we find out that this anti-love, chauvinistic man whore has a dazzling, vulgar sense of humor (maybe not every girl's dream quality but a HUGE plus in my book), a sweet little nephew that lives next door that he serves as a devoted father figure for, and a love, yes love, for the neurotic, control freak Abby. How kick ass is that? He has a douche bag outer shell with a sweet and creamy nice guy filling. I mean, this guy actually gives up a high paying, prestigious TV job cause he wants to continue to live next door to his nephew so he can take care of him. Awwwwwww! And he gets his little heart broken when Abby disses him for the doctor next door. Double awwwwwww! And the only reason why he is an outer douche bag in the first place is because he's gotten his heart broken so many times. Triple awwwwwww! Is he not just adorable, precious, and just everything........MMMMMMMMMMMMM. *sighs dreamily*

Now here's where I deliver my version of the ugly truth. MIKE CHADWAYS DO NOT EXIST! There is no such thing as the charming, flirtatious, unattainable cause he's too busy chasing pussy nice guy. It's a complete bullshit dream that we women have been chasing for entirely too long. There is no sweet little nephew next door. There is no history of him getting his wittle heart bwoken by the big bad scawy women. And there sure as hell will never be the moment where he looks into your eyes and says, "I love you" and actually mean it. Nope. No way. No how. Sorry. We'd like to think that that mysterious, unattainable flirt has a sweet side, a sensitive side, a side that goes to children's hospitals on the weekends and makes little balloon animals for kids. But nope. There is only the tail chasing, arrogant prick that he does a very apt job at portraying. And don't get mad at him, ladies when he breaks your heart. He let you know what you were getting yourself into. It was you that convinced yourself that this guy wasn't as deep as a puddle. It was you that convinced yourself that you'd be different.

Now don't beat yourselves up too long for being so foolish as to chase the fake Mike Chadways. We all do it. It's just a right of passage all us ladies must make. Here is a personal fav of mine:

Boyfriend: I don't fall in love.
Me (thinking): Oh, you'll fall in love with me.
Months later during our break up.....
Boyfriend: I don't love you now and I never loved you.

Conclusion: A prick but I can't say he didn't warn me.

So, ladies, remember; if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck then it's probably a duck.