Back at my parents again.......Sigh

Nana: Do you ever pray for yourself, Debbie?
Mom: No.
Nana: Why not?
Mom: I don't know.
Nana: You should.
Mom: Well, do you pray for yourself?
Nana:.....Yeah. A few nights ago I prayed to God that I'd stop itching.

**********

Mom: Look at what I bought!
Me: It's a toilet seat.
Mom: An oak toilet seat.
Nana: That's real pretty.
Mom: I'm going to go put it on the toilet.
(Mom puts it on toilet.)
Mom: Wow! It looks good. Who wants to use the new toilet seat?
Nana: Well, I don't have to go right now but later.
Mom: Well, at least come look at it.
(Nana goes and looks at it.)
Nana: Yeah, Debbie. It's made a world of difference. It's real pretty.
Mom: I just love a wooden toilet seat. Don't you think it looks better, April?
Me: Yeah.
(I later go to use the bathroom. When I exit I am met with this-)
Mom: So, you used the new toilet seat?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: How was it?
(I am by now sick of this fucking toilet seat talk.)
Me: Oh, it was great. I came and everything. It was glorious.
Mom: Oh, April!

**********

Mom: Larry, do you remember the show with Archie and Edith?
Dad: Yeah.
Mom: And the episode where Edith died and Archie comes home and he's all alone and-
(Mom at this point is crying.)
Mom: And he finds her slipper and cries over it and he just doesn't know what do without her?
Dad: Nope. Never saw that one.
Mom: It was so sad. I heard a country song today that reminded me of that episode. And I think when I die you'll be like Archie is in that episode.
(Mom is still crying.)
Me: I gotta get out of here. First day back and it's already getting weird.

***********

Mom: Look at the Halloween cookies I got the girls.
Me: Those are dog treats.
Mom: Dog treats!?!?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: Well, shit! It's a good thing you told me. I almost ate one of those.

************

Mom: I need to take you to the doctor, Mom. You are seriously losing it. Your cheese has slid off your cracker.
Nana: Yeah. My elevator went to the bottom.
Mom: You mean your elevator doesn't go to the top.
Nana: Yeah, something like that.

************

(I read this to my dad.)
Dad: Don't tell people this stuff. They're going to think we're freakin' nuts.